How to Navigate Difficult Conversations at Work

Nobody looks forward to tough conversations at work. However, avoiding them can make your team’s problems worse. Learning how to navigate these conversations is an important leadership skill.

Combined with the right mindset and communication skills, you can use these conversations to foster trust and improve your team’s dynamics for overall better results. Here’s how to use them.

The Power of the SBI Model

Difficult discussions often get a bad rap, but they don’t always have to be this way. When done appropriately, they have the potential to foster understanding, strengthen trust, and promote growth in the relationship.

Reframe your mindset to view these difficult conversations as opportunities for collaboration and problem-solving, rather than a confrontation. They serve as occasions for clarification and alignment, allowing everyone involved to express their perspectives and contribute to a shared solution.

Using a structured tool to provide constructive feedback will help convey the message effectively, ensuring that it stays focused on the issue and avoids becoming personal or offensive. One such tool is the Situation, Behavior, and Impact (SBI) model for delivering constructive feedback, especially in challenging situations.

Here’s how the SBI model can be used to guide and improve communication during a difficult discussion.

1. Outline the Situation

Clearly describe the context of the scenario, such as when and where you observed the particular behavior that needs to be addressed.

For example, if you’re tackling an issue like a team member being dismissive of others’ ideas, you might begin with the specific description of when this happened. You can start this off with, “During our team meeting on Wednesday, when we were brainstorming for Project X…”

 

This provides a clear context for the conversation, making it easier for the individual to understand the focus of the conversation.

2. Discuss Observable Behavior

Next, highlight the observable actions that you witnessed. Focus on facts without making assumptions about intentions.

You might say, “In the session, I noticed that you interrupted Sam and Katie while they were sharing their ideas, and that you dismissed their input without acknowledging their contributions.”

Framing the feedback this way helps the individual understand exactly what they did that was problematic. By concentrating only on observable actions, you create a clearer pathway for open dialogue that allows the individual to reflect without feeling attacked.

3. Emphasize the Effects

Discuss the impact that the behavior had on the team, project, or work environment.

Revisiting our earlier example, you could say, “When this happened, it made your team members feel undervalued. I noticed that they did not share anything else after. This can hinder our team’s collaboration and creativity.”

By articulating the impact, you connect the behavior to its broader consequences. This encourages the individual to understand the significance of their actions and how they affect others.

Using the SBI model shifts the conversation from potentially uncomfortable territory to a more constructive and supportive dialogue. It creates a foundation for open discussion and reduces the likelihood of defensiveness, as the focus remains on observable actions rather than personal attributes.

Preparing for and Managing Emotional Responses

Even if you’re already a master at handling difficult conversations, it’s important to still prepare for every challenging discussion you’re going to have. Spontaneity can derail conversations and lead to misunderstandings and heightened tensions. Taking the time to plan enables you to articulate your thoughts clearly and stay focused on the core issues.

To prepare for a tough conversation, remember the following tips:

• Write it out: Draft an outline or notes to ensure you cover key points. This prevents the conversation from veering off track.
• Roleplay: Practice with a trusted colleague, especially if the stakes are high or emotions are involved.
• Stay professional: Frameworks like SBI help keep the conversation professional, reducing the risk of personal conflicts.

Being prepared shows respect for the other person’s time and reinforces that the discussion is serious and intentional.

It’s inevitable that you’ll still occasionally encounter defensive or emotional responses. When this happens, it’s time to tap into your emotional intelligence—and to be more specific, your self-regulation and empathy skills—to guide your own responses.

Self-Regulation

Recognize when emotions are escalating and take a calculated moment to form a measured response.

If emotions are running high, it’s often best to pause and revisit the conversation later so both parties have time to regain composure and approach the discussion with a clearer mind. By responding thoughtfully, you set the tone for the conversation and encourage others to handle feedback with the same level of openness and resilience.

Empathy

Draw on your empathy to understand the other person’s emotional state. Acknowledging that receiving feedback can be uncomfortable creates a safe environment where open communication can thrive.

Even if you disagree with the other person’s perspective, take a moment to reflect:

• How would I feel if I were in their shoes?
• What might be contributing to this behavior?

 

Acknowledging and understanding their viewpoint will make it easier to resolve the situation together. Most importantly, never rush into problem-solving before managing their emotions, as forcing logic into an emotionally charged situation will only lead to further frustration and resistance.

Recognizing When to Involve Others and When Not to

In the event of a worst-case scenario, such as the other party becoming unmanageable, it’s time to use a new approach.

This can happen to even the best of us, as we cannot always predict how someone will respond in a tough conversation. When these discussions become too complex or tense to handle alone, involving another person, such as an HR representative or team leader, can be beneficial. Consider this option when:

• The conversation is repetitive: If you’re not making progress and the discussion keeps returning to the same points, it might be time to involve someone else.
• Emotions are escalating: If the conversation becomes heated and you feel your own emotions rising, a neutral third party can help de-escalate the situation.
• There are potential legal or ethical implications: When there’s a risk that the issue might breach company policies or legal regulations, it’s essential to seek advice or support from HR.

In such cases, a third party can provide support and facilitate a more productive dialogue.

However, be mindful of the other person’s comfort. If they sense that a third party is involved purely to make you feel more at ease, it may create even more tension or defensiveness. Before you bring in someone else, think about your true motives:

• Are you avoiding the conversation? Bringing in someone else shouldn’t be a way to escape an uncomfortable dialogue. Instead, try practicing handling tough conversations first through role-play with a mentor or colleague. This preparation can help you approach the discussion with more confidence.
• Are you genuinely in need of guidance? If you’re bringing in someone for support, make sure it’s to improve your skills or knowledge, not simply to make the conversation easier for you.

Ultimately, involving a third party can be a valuable strategy, but it should be done carefully to foster understanding and resolution.

Use Coaching Techniques

Throughout the discussion, keep in mind the ultimate goal: to achieve mutual understanding and develop a concrete action plan for moving forward. In these situations, using coaching techniques enhances the quality and flow of the conversation, allowing you to delve deeper into the other person’s perspectives and challenges to find potential solutions.

These coaching techniques can result in several key benefits.

Improved Self-Reflection

Using open-ended questions can lead to better outcomes and foster self-reflection when delivering constructive feedback. For example, instead of launching into a critique of the employee who dismissed his team’s ideas, you can ask questions such as:

• “What were your thoughts during the team meeting when those ideas were presented?”
• “How do you think the team felt about their contributions being overlooked?”
• “What could we do differently in future discussions to ensure everyone feels heard?”

These types of questions prompt the employee to assess their own behavior and its impact on the team, promoting a more constructive dialogue. By facilitating self-reflection, you not only help the individual understand the consequences of their actions but also encourage them to take responsibility and think critically about how to improve in the future.

Cultivating Self-Reliance

When you ask questions that urge others to reflect on their actions, you’re guiding them on the path towards self-discovery and self-reliance. This approach enables you to move beyond just providing answers and directing individuals; instead, you actively teach them how to problem-solve and collaborate successfully.

Over time, your team will grow more comfortable with self-reflection and problem-solving on their own.

Overcome Resistance to Change

You may find the other party resisting your feedback or struggling with the idea of change. When this happens, recognize that this resistance often stems from emotional or psychological barriers.

Identifying barriers calls for a curious, non-judgmental coaching mindset. To handle resistance, frame your questions to gently uncover their challenges. Here are some techniques:

• Exploring feelings: Instead of asking, ‘Why haven’t you been more inclusive in discussions?’ you might try, ‘What feelings arise for you when you think about making a conscious effort to acknowledge your teammates’ ideas?’
• Highlighting obstacles: Rather than saying, ‘You need to stop dismissing your team’s ideas,’ ask, ‘What challenges do you see in being more open to the ideas presented by others during meetings?’

By using open-ended, non-judgmental questions, you empower individuals to identify and work through their barriers, paving the way for continuous improvement.

Foster Accountability and Ownership

Finally, one of the biggest advantages of using coaching techniques in difficult conversations is that they empower individuals to take ownership of their outcomes.

By emphasizing guidance over directive approaches, coaching encourages individuals to take charge of the decision-making process. Questions like “What support do you need to overcome these challenges?” or, “What obstacles do you foresee, and how can we tackle them together?” promote a sense of agency and collaboration, enabling them to find their own solutions.

When people feel supported rather than directed, they’re more likely to engage in the conversation and accept responsibility for the results.

Partner with Frontline to Navigate Difficult Conversations

To deepen your understanding of these skills, listen to our podcast featuring Lorraine Medici, Director of Training and Development at Frontline Training Solutions. In this episode, she shares further insights and techniques for effective feedback discussions, building on our previous webinar, Navigating Difficult Discussions.

For personalized guidance on developing coaching skills, emotional intelligence, or other workplace competencies, contact us at Frontline.